Inner Demon Part 2

~~~~~~

By repeating phrases or words that he caught, Jim was able to keep the group clear of the mystery Goa’uld. The last thing they needed was a confrontation. They’re objective was to get Blair through the Hammer – alive – and book it home. The Goa’uld, and its unfortunate host, would have to fend for themselves.

He tried not to think too much about the host of the other Goa'uld. Eventually, he hoped, the alien ‘snake’ would tire of the cave and risk the Hammer. Maybe then, its victim would be freed.

Jack’s voice interrupted Jim’s focus.

“We’re here.”

“What?” Jim blinked. They had stopped in front of a stone ‘doorway.’ “This is it?”

“Yep.” Jack walked through the doorway. “There’s a field here. Anyone with a Goa’uld goes through, except for Teal’c since Thor fixed this baby, and the snake gets fried.”

“NO!” The single, defiant word ripped from Blair’s throat as he bucked backward, away from the Hammer.

Teal’c and Jim tightened their grips, keeping Blair firmly between them.

“If you do this,” Serapis’ growled, “the host will die. I will make sure of it!”

Jim stiffened, his eyes snapping to Colonel O’Neill. “Can the thing really do that?”

The colonel rubbed at the back of his neck, then shook his head. “I can’t tell you, not for sure.”

Carter stepped forward. “A dying symbiote is capable of taking measures to try to preserve the host’s life, but the truth is, whenever a Goa’uld dies inside a host, there’s a substantial danger to the host.”

“You knew that going in,” O’Neill interjected.

“Knowing there’s a risk and knowing that this thing can willfully kill my partner are two different things.” Jim took a breath and eyed the Hammer. A coldness settled in his gut. His resolve had been so strong up until this point, but now he was face-to-face with the ugly reality. He could be forcing Blair to his death. His own hands would be doing the deed.

“Look, we’ve got no choice.” Jack rested his hand on his P90. “This is it. All I can tell you is that this has been done before, and the host survived. The Asgard designed this Hammer, and they intended that the host survive. And if there are complications, well,” he gestured to the petite doctor who was silently standing in the background, her face grim, “we’ve got Fraiser here, and she’s damn good at her job.”

“Thank you, Colonel.” Fraiser apparently took that as her cue, because she dropped her pack and moved closer to Jim. “There is definitely a risk, Detective, but…”

“Please,” Blair’s voice interrupted.

Jim stopped breathing as he turned to face his partner. Sandburg’s blue eyes were wide and sparkling with fear.

“Please, Jim,” Blair begged. “Don’t force me into that thing. The Goa’uld’s telling the truth, and I… I don’t wanna die, man, especially not here, tied up, on some alien planet.”

Jim forced himself to breathe even though it felt like a fist was crushing his heart. Logically, he knew Serapis was most likely forcing words out of Blair’s mouth. It wasn’t really Blair talking. It was the creature.

But, what if….?

“I have to be sure.” Jim straightened and turned to Jack. “This is Sandburg’s life. He has a right to have a say.”

“You want to zat him?” Jackson asked.

Fraiser shook her head. “That’s not a good idea. The Hammer’s going to pose a severe strain as it is. Subjecting him to the device while he’s recovering from a zat blast could prove fatal.”

“How long would it take him to recover enough to get past the danger?” Jim asked.

Fraiser frowned. “I have no idea. The zat is alien technology, and there’s been no formal testing on the effect it has on the human body, or how long the effects last. If we assume it’s comparable to an electric shock, full recovery could take several hours. Days, in some cases, and some non-lethal electric shocks can cause permanent damage, particularly to neurons and muscle tissue.”

Blair’s eyes widened even further. “No. No way. Not that thing you shot me with before.” He shook his head, tears spilling on to his cheeks. “Please, Jim, don’t let them do this to me. This isn’t my fault, I….”

Jim closed his eyes. “The woman that you met, the one who went through this…she came through fine. Full recovery. No permanent damage?”

“Yes.” Daniel answered.

“Jim, no!” Blair begged. “Serapis will kill me. He’ll….”

“Let’s do it.” Taking a deep breath, Jim moved forward with Teal’c.

“NO!” Blair’s body bucked, his legs digging in to the ground, but Jim and Teal’c lifted him up and, with a unified surge forward, thrust him into the Hammer.

~~~

Blair expected pain, so he was totally unprepared for the gentle, warmth that enveloped him. His skin tingled with something that vaguely felt like electricity. Inside him, Serapis stirred, then the warmth grew warmer, rising in intensity until it threatened to become a painful inferno.

He was taken by surprise at the bone-deep, heart-crushing agony that suddenly ripped through him, driving away all conscious thought, and he barely heard the scream that tore from his throat.

~~~

Jim staggered back when the screams began, every muscle in his body going tight as he fought the urge to lunge forward and yank his partner out of the Hammer.

God, he hoped he was doing the right thing.

Blair’s screaming continued, bouncing inside the cavern, and Jim could swear he felt their vibrations in his chest. Then, mercifully, they faded, and a moment later, the subtle glow and soft hum emanating from the Hammer died.

Jim flew forward as Blair crumpled. Even as he caught his partner, Jim was already focusing his sensitive hearing, searching for signs of life. Gently, he lowered Blair to the ground, sliding one hand beneath Blair’s head to prevent his skull from making harsh contact with the rocky surface. His ears picked up a heartbeat – faint and erratic -- but no air traveled in and out of Blair’s lungs, and his chest wasn’t rising and falling.

“He’s not breathing!" Jim looked up at Fraiser even as he tilted Blair’s head back, preparing to administer mouth-to-mouth.

The doctor was already in motion, dropping on her knees next to Sandburg as she slid out of her pack and opened it, reaching in to pull out an ambu bag. She fastened it over Sandburg’s mouth and nose, then looked up at Jim.

“Hold this,” she ordered, tapping the balloon-like pump. "Squeeze that about every 5 seconds hard enough to see his chest rise slightly.  Keep it up."

Jim nodded and grabbed the mask just as she let go. He did as instructed, squeezing the pump to force air into Blair’s lungs. Fraiser’s hands dove back into her pack, and she pulled out a stethoscope.

“His heartbeat’s fading,” Jim offered.

She nodded an acknowledgement, but fastened the stethoscope over her ears, then held the stainless steel disk over Blair’s heart. She flicked grim eyes up at Jim, then draped the stethoscope around her neck and pulled out a black, hard case. She snapped the lid open, revealing three vials protected by foam molds. Carefully, she set the container on the ground, then reached in to the front of her pack and pulled out a long, thin wrapper. Tearing the end, she removed the syringe and selected one of the vials.

“Wait.” Jim heard a distinct change in Blair’s heartbeat. Tilting his head, he focused his hearing. The sound of the oxygen pump was like a roar in his ears, and he stopped, just for a second, and….

“He’s breathing on his own, and his heartbeat’s stronger,” Jim told her as he slid the oxygen mask away from Blair’s slack face.

Fraiser set the opened syringe on the ground and grabbed her stethoscope again and listened. After a moment, she sighed and leaned back, hanging the stethoscope around her neck. “You’re one hell of a handy med lab.” She gave him a brief smile, then looked up at Colonel O’Neill. “Mr. Sandburg’s pulse is increasing, and his respiration seems steady but shallow.” She returned her attention to Jim. “Can you keep your ears tuned to him and tell me if anything changes?”

“Of course,” Jim agreed.

Fraiser returned to her pack and pulled out a blood pressure monitor. She eyed Jim apprehensively. “If you tell me your senses can monitor his blood pressure, I’ll…”

“No, ma’am.”

She gave another shallow smile and wrapped the cuff around Blair’s upper arm, over his sleeve. Grabbing her stethoscope, she slid the disk beneath the cuff and pumped the rubber balloon at the end of the device until the cuff seemed in danger of cutting off Blair’s blood supply.

Jim kept his ears tuned to Blair’s breathing and heartbeat as the doctor took her readings. Blair’s heart was now beating too fast, and his breathing didn’t sound right.

“He’s hypotensive, in shock,” Fraiser announced, removing the blood pressure cuff and tossing it next to the pack. She grabbed a fresh syringe from her pack and popped another vial out of the black case.

Jim’s eyes focused on the vial’s label. Epinephrine.

When she withdrew a small amount of the liquid, Fraiser used one hand to return the vial to its case. Then she squeezed the plunger of the syringe just enough to cause a small amount of liquid to shoot out of the tip.

“Pull his sleeve up, please,” she ordered.

Jim complied, rolling up Blair’s sleeve to expose the soft skin in the crook of his elbow. Fraiser sank the tip of the needle into Blair’s vein and pressed the plunger.

Jim tilted his head as he listened, trying to determine if the chemical had an immediate effect. “His breathing’s steadying out, but his heart’s still going fast.”

Fraiser took a breath and leaned back, tilting her head to look up at O’Neill. "We need to get him warm and on an IV drip ASAP. He needs to get back to the SGC as soon as possible, but I’m not sure how stable his is, and the long journey isn’t going to do him any good, even on a stretcher.”

"Kendra," Daniel offered, moving to stand behind Fraiser. "We can get to her in half the time it would take us to get back to the gate, and," he glanced at the dim light filtering in to the cavern from the exit, "we can definitely make it before dark."

Jack clapped his hands once. "That'll have to do. We're not hiking to the gate in the dark, anyway."

Jim wasn't sure he liked the plan. "Doc, do you have what you need to get Sandburg through the night?"

Fraiser nodded. "I packed for the occasion, Detective. It's not as ideal as the SGC infirmary, but it'll do."

~~~

They'd been walking for almost an hour, and Jim had been carrying his end of the stretcher since they'd left the Hammer. Teal'c carried the other end, and from the looks of the Jaffa, he could go on all day. 

Jim's arms, on the other hand, were beginning to lose all feeling, and his back felt like it was ready to voice its protest in a particularly unpleasant way.

The colonel's voice took Jim by surprise.

"Hey, my turn."

"What?" Jim looked to his right.

O'Neill waved a hand toward the stretcher. "We're halfway there, maybe a bit more. I can take it the rest of the way."

Jim managed a tired smile. "Thanks."

He slowed up, in sync with Teal'c, just enough to allow a smooth transition. Once O'Neill had hold of the handles, Jim moved alongside the stretcher. Restraints held Blair firmly in place. Studying Blair's slack, pale face, Jim took a deep breath and tried to quell the cold churning of fear in his gut.

Fraiser fell in to step alongside Jim. "How do things sound?"

"Better. His heartbeat's more normal, but his breathing's still a little too shallow."

Fraiser moved behind Jim and placed a palm on Blair's forehead. "His body temperature's still low." She shifted the thin, military blanket covering Blair and pulled it up to his chin. "Once we get to our destination, I'll be able to hook him up to a drip. He should improve quickly once I get some nutrients and fluids into him."

Jim looked over his shoulder at her. "Thank you, Doctor."

~~~~

It felt like hundreds of needles were being driven into his brain. He was aware of rocking and the sound of voices, though he couldn't distinguish words. Cold blanketed him, driving deep into his core. Something -- a sound -- escaped him, and as if in response, a warm pressure touched his forehead.

~~~~

"Hold up." Jim slowed as Teal'c and O'Neill came to a stop. He was almost sure he heard a faint whimper, but as he studied Blair's face, he saw no signs that the kid was waking up. "Chief?" He placed a palm on Blair's head. "You with us, buddy?"

"What?" Fraiser placed the ends of the stethoscope in her ears and listened to Blair's heart. After a moment, she looked up. "Rhythm's steady, but a bit elevated."

Jim shook his head. "I thought he was waking up."

"Kendra's place is just up ahead," Daniel announced. "We can get him settled and hooked up to an IV, right Doctor?" He glanced at Fraiser for confirmation.

The petite doctor nodded. "The sooner the better."

Jim looked up, his eyes searching the twilight horizon. He spotted a small tent and the makings of a camp ahead in the distance. "I see it."

A short while later, they arrived at the edge of the camp. The sun had dipped far enough below the horizon to bathe the land in soft darkness. A compact, house-like structure with a straw-covered roof sat at the rear of the camp.

The front door to the 'house' opened, and a dark-skinned woman with long, curly black hair stepped out, a red shawl wrapped around her shoulders. Her eyes scanned them, and she hurried forward.

Daniel moved ahead of the stretcher, stopping just in front of her. "Hello, Kendra."

She bowed her head, then looked behind him to eye the stretcher. "You have an injured man?"

Daniel nodded. "He had a demon within him, and we sent him through the Hammer to free him. We were hoping we could rest the night here."

She waved them toward her home. "Of course. My home is always open to you. Come."

~~~~~

A prick of pain in the back of his hand invaded the murky void that blanketed him. He was burning, the air hot and sticky. His chest was tight, and no matter how deeply he breathed, he couldn't seem to draw enough air into his lungs. The clang of voices surrounded him, beating against his skull like a tambourine. The words faded in and out as he struggled against oblivion.

"That should...drip going. We...see some improvement soon."

Something touched his forehead. One of the voices became louder, as if closer.

"He's burning up."

"...will pass."

"It happened to you?"

"Yes. It...burning my insides, but like the pain, it passed."

"When a Goa'uld...protein behind. His immune system...as a foreign...to mount a defense."

"What is it?"

"A hundred and....climbs any...head for the gate. Here, Detective...."

Blair felt something tug at his upper body, and a sudden breeze tickled the hair on his chest. He shivered. A cold, damp weight slid over his chest, slithering up to his neck. It lifted and descended on his forehead moments later, leaving a trail of cool relief in its wake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Jim, perched on an old stool next to the bed, dipped the rag in the wooden bucket, then wrung the excess water from the cloth. "Hey, Chief, you better wake up soon or you're gonna miss all this," he whispered as he wiped the cool rag over Blair's forehead, disrupting the beads of sweat. "How many more chances are you going to have to visit another planet?"

Jim rubbed at the back of his neck with his free hand, then leaned back and stretched his arms above his head. Kendra had put them all up in her small home. The house was one large room, with a bed against one wall and a table near the front door. Blair slept on the thin, straw-filled mattress. His temperature had risen from a low 93 degrees to an alarming one hundred and three.

Since the sun had set a while ago, Kendra and most of SG-1 had made themselves comfortable on the floor and turned in for the night. Fraiser was also curled on the floor, at the foot of Sandburg's bed. Jim had promised to wake her up in a few hours if Blair's condition remained the same, but as long as the fever didn't climb, Jim figured he could do without her. The woman needed sleep. They all did.

That thought brought on a yawn, and his vision clouded. He dropped the rag in the bucket and shifted on the stool, then scrubbed a hand over his face. God, he was tired.

~~~~

He felt her pulse against his fingers and the warmth of her body against his. Her breaths were coming in shallow, quick gasps. He'd lived in the same building with her for over three years. She'd been a quiet but otherwise cheerful woman, always greeting him with a smile, until her husband died. After his funeral, the few gray strands on her hair had tripled, and her face had withered. She'd transformed into someone who kept to herself, rarely smiled, and whenever he looked into her eyes, the sadness he saw in them would cause his throat to tighten.

He held her in his arms now. Couldn't stop himself.

Words spilled from his throat. "Put the weapon down, or I'll kill her."

The barrel of Jim's gun was pointed straight at his head.

"You kill her, I kill you."

Do it, Blair begged silently. Make it quick, but please just do it before I--

His arms jerked, bone crunched, and Sarah Warren's body spasmed once before going limp in his arms. He flung her corpse toward Jim.

NO!

He had the sudden sensation of falling, then something hard slammed into him. A hot pain lanced the back of his hand.

"God, Blair. Are you--?"

He blinked against the darkness, and he could barely make out a large, dark shape towering over him. He scampered away until his back hit something solid.

"Mr. Sandburg?" A woman's voice. It came from somewhere to his right.

Where...? What...? He looked around, trying to see through the oppressive blackness. A chill swept over him, and he shivered.

Sarah. Oh, God. He'd killed Mrs. Warren.

~~~~~

Jim crouched in front of Blair, his sensitive eyes easily penetrating the darkness to note the small stream of blood on the back of Blair's palm the IV had been. Blair was plastered against the wall, shaking and pale-faced. His eyes, wet with tears, darted around the room. His pupils were fully dilated, but it was obvious he couldn't see much of anything.

"Easy, Chief." Jim kept his voice low, and Blair's eyes immediately snapped to him. "Everything's okay."

Soft light filled the room, flickering against the walls. Someone had obviously lit a lantern.

"Mr. Sandburg," Doctor Fraiser began, moving closer, but Jim held a hand up and, keeping his eyes on Blair, waved her back.

"Jim?" Blair took a deep, shaky breath, on the verge of hyperventilating. "I... Oh, God. I killed her. I...." His hand shot to the back of his neck. "It... Is it gone?" He shook his head. "I can't--"

"It's gone." Jim moved forward and gently grabbed Blair's wrist, guiding it down. "It's dead."

Blair's eyes grew wider. "Dead?" He flinched, pressing harder against the wall, then yanked his arm out of Jim's grip and raised both hands to claw at the back of his neck. "Inside me? That thing is still inside me? Decaying or something or...."

"Take it easy, Chief." Jim kept his voice supremely calm as he grabbed both of Blair's wrists again, feeling the heat from the raw skin, a result of Serapis' struggles against the restraints. "It's gonna be okay."

"It's not okay!" Blair tried to pull away, but Jim's grip remained firm. "I...I killed her," he gulped, squeezing his eyes shut as though trying to block out images he didn't want to see. "God, I killed her. There's no way back from that."

"You didn't kill her, Blair. You're as much a victim as she was."

Blair's eyes sprang open, filled with a mixture of anger and raw fear. "Tell it to the jury! I did it. It was me. My hands! You and Simon saw it. She's dead, and there's nothing we can do to change that, and no one's going to believe the truth."

Jim swallowed, releasing his partner's wrists as Blair lowered his head and pressed his palms against his eyes. That was a situation he had deliberately refused to think about. First things first. He'd focused on getting Blair free of the creature. Everything else had to wait.

"I don't know what's going to happen, Chief, but we'll figure something out."

Blair just shook his head and laced his fingers behind his skull, his face low.

"Look," Jackson spoke up, "I'm sure there's something we can do. Right, Jack? Some strings we can pull? Some--"

Blair's head shot up. "You knew." He looked straight at Jackson. "You knew these things existed. For how long?"

Jim turned to look at Jackson, waiting for the man's answer.

The archeologist glanced at his feet, "Uh...."

"Need to know, Daniel."

"Right." Daniel took a breath. "I'm sorry." He met Blair's gaze. "It's classified."

Blair sprang off the floor, taking Jim by surprise, and hurtled himself toward Daniel, but his coordination was obviously off, and he went into a chaotic stagger. Teal'c moved from behind Daniel and intercepted Blair, catching him before he took a header into the floor.

Daniel staggered back, nearly bumping into Jack.

"Get your hands off me!" Blair tried to yank away from the Jaffa, his eyes locked on Jackson. "You knew and you didn't warn anyone! She's dead because of you."

Jim grabbed Blair's arm and pulled him away from Teal'c. "Take it easy, Chief." He tugged gently on Blair, but it was enough to knock the young man off balance. Jim caught him and practically carried him back to the bed. He plopped Sandburg on the mattress and gripped his shoulders, holding him in place. "What's done is done."

Blair deflated and would've fallen forward had Jim not been holding him. He rubbed shaking hands over his face. "How long have you known?" He didn't bother looking up. "And how many more of those things are out there? How many more unsuspecting people are going to become victims before the government decides to come clean."

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sandburg." O'Neill stepped forward, but Blair wasn't looking at him. "There's a lot more to this situation than--"

Jim shot the colonel a look, keeping his hands still firmly on Blair's shoulders. O'Neill got the message and clamped his mouth shut. He took a breath and clapped Daniel on the shoulder, then tilted his head toward the front door. "Come on, kids. Let get some air, leave them alone for a few minutes."

Daniel nodded. He and the rest of SG-1 filed out of the small house. Kendra also followed, leaving only Janet, Blair, and Jim.

The doctor moved slowly to Blair's side. "Mr. Sandburg," she crouched in front of him. "I'm Doctor Fraiser."

Blair finally looked up, his hands dropping to his lap. He blinked at her. "I remember." He swallowed, and Jim felt Blair begin to tremble again. "I'm sorry."

She smiled at him and raised a hand toward her neck. "It wasn't your fault." She shifted closer to him. "I'd like to check you out, if you don't mind. Nothing invasive, I promise."

Blair nodded slowly. Jim lowered one arm but kept the other on Blair's shoulder to make sure the young man stayed upright. He could still feel the tremors beneath his palm, and the coolness told him Blair's fever had broken, but it felt like the kid's temperature was yo-yoing back down.

"You're cold," Jim announced. Carefully, he released Blair. When the young man stayed put, Jim reached for the blanket on the bed and draped it over Blair's shoulders. "How are you feeling?"

Blair shrugged and dropped his head again.

"Okay," Fraiser stood and retrieved her medical kit, then moved back to the bed. "I'm going to start by taking your temperature." She pulled out an electronic thermometer. "I'm just going to set this in your ear, all right?"

Blair didn't bother responding. Fraiser shot Jim a questioning look, and he nodded. Slowly, she put the thermometer in Blair's ear and waited. When the device beeped, she pulled it out and looked at the reading. "Ninety-three, a little low. I'm going to listen to your heart next."

"Right now it's about sixty-five," Jim told her.

Blair stiffened, surprised by Jim's announcement. Then, a vague memory teased at him -- Jim in the cavern, using his abilities openly. But Blair couldn't remember Jim telling the military group about his senses, which didn't surprise him. His memory was riddled with holes. Some images were painfully clear, others murky.

Fraiser raised her eyebrows. "Right. Okay. I'll go with that." She retrieved her pen light from the kit and raised it to Blair's eyes. "Can you look up for a minute, Mr. Sandburg?"

Quietly, Blair complied, but when she turned on the light, he flinched and turned away.

"Sorry." She quickly lowered it. "We can pass on that. You have a headache?"

Blair nodded, dropping his head again.

"Any ringing in your ears? Blurry vision?"

"No." Blair pulled the blanket more tightly around his shoulders and lowered himself carefully to the mattress. He rolled away from them, facing the other wall, and muttered softly, "Actually, I do mind. I'm tired. Can you just leave me alone, please?"

Fraiser placed the penlight back in the kit. "Sure. How 'bout you let me give you something for the headache and put something over your IV wound?"

"I'm fine," Blair answered.

Fraiser sighed and looked up at Jim. "Okay, I guess I'll get some fresh air myself."

Jim gave her a small, grateful smile. "Thanks."

She nodded and rose to her feet, walking softly to the door and stepping out into the night.

Jim moved the stool closer to the bed and sat down. "Do you want anything, Blair? Food? Something to drink?"

"No, thanks," Blair whispered.

"We've got a bit of a hike tomorrow, Chief. You should get something in your stomach."

Blair expelled a breath. "Tomorrow. Please just leave me alone."

Jim swallowed. He placed a hand on Blair's arm, on top of the coarse material of the blanket. "We'll figure things out, Chief. Don't worry about anything right now except getting your strength back. Okay?"

"Sure." Blair's voice trembled as though he were fighting tears.

Jim gave Blair's arm a soft pat. "Get some rest."

"'Kay."

Taking a breath, Jim pulled back. He found a spare rolled up sleeping bag and dragged it next to Blair's bed, rolling it out on the floor. As he slipped into it and closed his eyes, he knew he wouldn't be able to fall asleep. He couldn't stop thinking about how he was going to fix things for Blair once they got back to Earth.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The cold woke him. Blair tried to pull the blanket tighter around himself, but his efforts did nothing to combat the chill. Shivering, he curled into a ball and snuggled toward the center of the small mattress.

He realized then that the bed felt all wrong, and with that realization came another. He wasn't at home. His memory of recent events flooded back, taking his breath away, and it was then that he became aware of the low voices around him.

"It's about a two-hour hike."

"I'm not sure he's up to that," Jim said.

"Well, we can carry him on the stretcher if need be."

Blair rolled over and opened his eyes. He was in the same small room that he'd found himself in before. Had that been last night? A table sat a few feet away, and Jim, along with three men and three women, most of whom Blair recognized, sat around the table. Baskets of fruit and bread lay spread before the group.

Although Jim's back was to Blair, the sentinel must have heard something, because he turned and looked at Blair. A smile softened his face. "Hey, Chief." He rose and walked to the bed, then sat on the edge of the mattress. "How're you feeling?"

Blair's eyes skittered over the group at the table. There were seven people, including Jim and a dark-skinned woman Blair didn't know, but he recognized the doctor and the four people who had shown up at the loft moments after....

He swallowed and looked away. 

"You hungry?" Jim asked.

At the suggestion, Blair's stomach growled. He ignored the sudden pangs, however, and rolled away from Jim. "No."

Footsteps sounded on the wood floor, and a woman's voice spoke. "Can I take your temperature, Mr. Sandburg?"

Blair looked over his shoulder at the small doctor. "Not now."

Jim placed his hand on Blair's forehead, and Blair batted it away as he shifted back to face the far wall.

"Still a slight fever," Jim announced, "but it's much lower."

"How's his cardiac rhythm?"

"Steady and strong."

Blair closed his eyes. Sometimes, he wished Jim wasn't a sentinel.

"C'mon, Chief, you need food. We've got a long hike ahead of us."

"Back to the military base?" Blair asked, not bothering to turn around.

"Yeah."

"And then what?"

Jim gave a long sigh. "Then the doc gives you a thorough going-over and we head back to Cascade...I hope."

There was silence for several moments. Finally, O'Neill spoke. "We'll probably have you sign a bunch of stuff...I guess."

Blair sat up and faced the colonel. "Stuff that says we won't tell anybody about this? About the fact that the military is covering up a massive conspiracy and..."

"We'll sign whatever nondisclosure forms you want," Jim interrupted.

Blair threw a glare at the detective. "And what if I don't?" His eyes darted back to O'Neill. "What then? Do I just conveniently disappear? Have an accident? Or maybe wind up as a lab rat somewhere?"

"Sandburg..." Jim's tone held a dark warning. "Not now."

Daniel Jackson stood but made no move forward. "What we're dealing with at the SGC affects earth on a global scale. If it got out...."

Blair swung his legs over the side of the bed and pushed himself to his feet. The room spun suddenly, but a hand on his arm held him steady. He blinked, aware of Jim standing next to him, and looked at Jackson. "You're an archeologist, aren't you?"

Jackson nodded. "Uh, yeah."

"You know, the others are military. I can understand the whole 'follow orders' thing. Not that I agree with it, but I can understand it. But you," Blair shook his head, and the room did another somersault, but he remained on his feet, "there's a code of ethics for archeologists, or have you forgotten? Accountability. Public Reporting and Publication. Record and Preserve. Any of these ring a bell, man?"

Jackson stepped forward. "You know what the Goa'uld are. You know what they do, and you know they've destroyed entire civilizations."

"Daniel," O'Neill began, but Jackson held up a hand to stop him.

"I'm not telling him anything he doesn't already know, Jack."

"Riigght." Jack sighed and rubbed his forehead. "Why didn't I retire when I had the chance?"

"Look," Jackson continued, "if the world were to know about the Stargate and the Goa'uld, the resulting public outcry and political upheaval could very easily put a halt to the Stargate program. Without the Stargate, we have no means of finding resources to defend ourselves against the Goa'uld."

Blair's legs couldn't hold him anymore, and he sank back to the mattress to sit on the edge. Jackson seemed to believe what he was saying, but the argument had one fatal flaw. "And you decide what's best for over five billion people on this planet? You and some small secret government society get to gamble with the fate of our entire planet?"

"Look, Chief," Jim began, but Blair cut him off.

"And they know about your..." Blair waved a hand in the air. "You told them?"

Jim shrugged. "Yeah, they know. I don't think we have much to worry about."

O'Neill swiveled to face them. "Yeah, we know about Ellison's sensory abilities, and you know about the SGC.  I think we can work out a mutually beneficial arrangement here."

Blair's chin snapped up. "You're blackmailing us?"

"Sandburg," Jim sat next to Blair, "let's just drop it for now. You're getting all worked up here when you should be resting."

Blair threw a glare at Jim. He opened his mouth to give a retort, then thought better about it. Nothing he could say would do any good. He wasn't even sure why he was arguing. He knew how things worked. The military had its secrets, and now that he and Jim had been privy to one of those secrets, the United States government wasn't just going to let them go their merry way.

He knew he should just shut up. By mouthing off, he was risking more than his own well-being. He was risking Jim's.

God, what a mess. He closed his eyes and dropped back to the mattress, rolling away from everyone. Everything was all wrong, and he'd been nothing but a helpless tag-along in his own body for...for...

How long had it been?

"Sandburg?" Jim's voice prodded gently.

"What?"

"We're going to set off for the Stargate soon. You need to eat something."

"Fine." He was hungry, and since nothing really mattered anymore, anyway, not with him being a murderer and the military breathing down their necks, he couldn't see the point in arguing.

~~~~

They had only been walking for about twenty minutes, at what Blair suspected was a frustratingly sluggish pace for everyone except him. When they'd first embarked on their trek, Blair felt so weak and shaky he was sure he wouldn't last three steps, but he'd insisted he could make the hike without a stretcher, and he intended to hold true to his word.

He quickened his pace, inhaling the warm, alien air. Jim was at his side, hovering a bit too close, and if it wasn't for the lingering pain in his head, the itchy aching of his wrists, the imposing Jaffa, and the very large guns held by the military group surrounding him, he could almost imagine he and Jim were out for a leisurely hike on a comfortable spring day back home.

Almost.

Looking around at the noticeable sparsity of vegetation, Blair amended his musings. Maybe not home as in Cascade. More like Central California. Or maybe somewhere in the midwest.

"What's the name of this planet, anyway?" Blair asked, then blinked at the sound of his own question.

He was actually on another planet. He remembered the journey - vaguely. The thing Serapis had known as the Chappa'ai a.k.a. the Stargate had come to life with a splash of something resembling water. He'd been forced through it, and a shock of cold had enveloped him. Then, he was here, on this planet.

Jackson, hovering to the right, glanced over at Blair. "Cimmeria."

Colonel O'Neill, who was marching steadily to their left, sighed heavily. "Now, Daniel, I ask you, was that 'need to know?'"

"Sorry," the archeologist muttered, "but somehow, I think his having traveled through the gate, gone through the Hammer, and stepped foot on an alien planet is more of a security breach than him knowing the name of the planet he's traipsing around on."

"Humor me. Okay?"

Blair looked over at Jim, who offered a faintly reassuring smile, and shrugged. "Sorry I asked."

Jim patted him gently on the shoulder. "You seem to be feeling better."

Blair nodded. "Yeah, I am. I guess I just needed to get moving and take in some fresh air." The lie fell effortlessly from his lips. He felt like he would collapse any moment. The pain in his head persisted, and his itching wrists threatened to drive him mad.

He tried to quicken his pace even further, to prove his words, but his feet refused to move any faster. Maybe it was the fatigue hindering them, or maybe he just didn't really want to get to Earth any faster than necessary. It wasn't like anything good waited for him there. Even if the SGC let him go, his life back in Cascade was over. He could be walking toward his own execution.

His feet stopped moving, and he jerked to a halt.

"Blair?" Jim grabbed his arm. "You okay?"

Blair swallowed and looked at his friend. Then, his eyes drifted across the plain landscape. It wasn't a bad place. Certainly not the prettiest, but the woman -- Kendra? -- had seemed nice enough.

His stomach sank as realization slammed into him. There was an option staring him in the face. Why hadn't it occurred to him before? He'd traveled a lot in his life. He could adapt. He might even end up being happy.

Without Jim.

He swallowed again. Harder. He didn't want to. God, he really didn't want to, and maybe that was why he hadn't thought of it before, but if he went back to Cascade, he'd likely end up behind bars, and he'd still be away from Jim. Someone else would have to help Jim with his senses, and the only person that came to mind was Simon, but as captain, that wouldn't be very practical for the man.

And if he didn't go back, that pesky national security problem would disappear nicely, at least where he was concerned.

"Blair?" Jim prodded, moving to stand in front of him. "What's wrong?"

Blair lowered his gaze, studying the sandy soil beneath his feet. "What if..." He took a breath and looked up at his friend. "What if I just stayed here?"

"What?" Two voices answered simultaneously. One was Jim's, and Blair thought the other belonged to O'Neill.

"It makes sense," Blair shrugged, struggling to keep his voice even. "I stay here, I'm no longer a national security risk, and Jim, you won't be put in a bad position trying to cover up for me, which we both know isn't going to work. I killed her." His voice cracked, and he forced air into his lungs. "You saw it. Simon saw it, and a whole bunch of people saw you chasing me down the street. There's forensic evidence to tie me to her. I was bleeding all over the place." He closed his eyes. "There's no way out for me, Jim. If you try to protect me, you'll just go down with me."

The silence was oppressive, and he opened his eyes to see everyone staring at him. Jim looked a few shades whiter, his wide blue eyes a stark contrast against his pale skin.

"Maybe there's another way." Jackson stepped forward. "Jack, could they join the SGC? Officially disappear?"

Blair shook his head, throwing a hard look at the archeologist. That wasn't on his list of options. No way. "Thanks, but no thanks."

"It's not practical, Daniel, and it's definitely not approved," O'Neill answered.

"C'mon, Jack. Ellison would be an asset with his abilities, and we could always use a good anthropologist." Daniel took a step closer to Blair. "Think about it, Mr. Sandburg. The chance to explore--"

"No." Blair rubbed a hand over his face. "I'm not going to be part of some secret military organization. I'm not going to carry a gun. Yeah, it'd be a dream exploring new planets and new cultures, but not like this. I can't just waltz around, knowing all this stuff, and not warning anyone. What if what happens to me happens to someone else? More people could die, probably will die, and you're letting it happen, all in the name of national security." He forced himself to breathe. "I don't want to become like you. No way. No thanks." He lowered his gaze, "And I definitely don't ever want to meet another Goa'uld again." He wrapped his arms around himself. "One was enough."

Jackson's eyes filled with some dark, indefinable emotion, and he crossed his arms over his torso and backed away.

Jack clapped him on the shoulder and threw a glare at Sandburg.  "Well, that settles that, and might I say we're really gonna miss your sparkling personality at the SGC?"

"Chief," Jim turned away from O'Neill, his voice heavy. He looked tired, and a sadness filled his eyes. "You'd be giving up your life. Everything. You'll never see Naomi again."

Blair's vision clouded, and he nodded. "I know." His voice trembled. "But if I go back, my life as it was will be gone, and the only time I'd get to see you or Naomi would be during visiting hours, from behind a barrier." He bowed his head. "That's not a life. If I stayed here, at least I'd be able to make a new life for myself."

Jim turned to O'Neill. "What about temporarily? Could we leave him here, and if I can clear things back home, come and get him. If I can't, I... Well, would I be able to come back here to stay?"

Blair's head shot up. "Stay? No, Jim. You do have a life back home. I don't."

Jack sighed, shaking his head. "I don't know, Ellison. You can't just waltz up and knock on the SGC's door, and even if we let you back on to the base, the odds of the higher ups approving you for gate travel would be very, very slim. There's a good chance that if you leave him here, you'll never see him again."

Blair rubbed at the back of his neck. Wasn't anyone listening to him? "Jim, forget it. Just go home. Leave. I'll--" His throat closed, and he blinked back tears. "I'll be fine here. I'll miss you." His hands clenched into fists at his sides. "I'll really miss you, but I'll be fine, and," he managed a strained smile, "you'll get your spare room back. No more jungle music. No more--"

Jim moved forward and pulled Blair into a rough embrace. "Shut up, Sandburg."

Blair closed his eyes, spilling a few hot tears onto his cheeks.

"There are other ways." Jim's voice was husky. "Come back to Earth, but don't go back to Cascade. I'll set you up some place safe, and if we can work things out with the murder investigation, somehow, you can come back. You don't have to give everything up."

Blair shook his head against Jim's chest, feeling the strong heartbeat beneath his ear. "I'd be a fugitive. You'd be aiding and abetting. We could both end up in jail. No." He opened his eyes, knowing he would be seeing Jim for the last time. "I won't let you do that."

"To hell with it." Jim pulled back and grabbed Blair's shoulder, pushing him far enough away to see his face. "I'm not going to let you go down for something that was my fault. It was my stupidity that let Serapis escape, so if you insist on staying here, then I'm staying with you. No way am I leaving you alone to fend for yourself on some alien planet."

"Jack," Daniel turned to face the colonel, and Blair glanced at the archeologist, "the SGC played a part in this, too. We've got to do something, take some responsibility."

Jack sighed and looked at the young man. "What do you suggest, Daniel?"

"I don't know, but we can't just leave them here. What if they come back and Mr. Sandburg remains at the SGC? We let Ellison leave and, between us, we figure out a way to clear Mr. Sandburg's name?"

Blair wasn't sure he liked that option any better. "You mean I get to stay under guard inside a top-secret military installation for who-knows-how-long? And what if you never figure out a way to clear me?"

Jack scratched at the back of his head, frustration darkening his eyes. "Dammit, what a mess." He looked heavenward and took a deep breath. "Look, I'm not even authorized to leave you two, here. My orders...."

Blair turned to face the colonel. "I don't care about your orders."

"Well, I do," O'Neill shot back. "Us military folks are real fond of them."

"Two of us could go back and talk to Hammond," Daniel offered.

"And if you return with us, Mr. Sandburg, I can give you better medical attention," Doctor Fraiser interjected. She'd been so quiet, Blair had forgotten she was even present.

Blair's shoulders slumped. He didn't know what to do. He certainly didn't relish the thought of spending the rest of his life on this alien planet, and if that was to be his fate, he couldn't let it become Jim's, too. Jim had admitted he was motivated by guilt. He blamed himself, and his overworked sense of duty wouldn't let him just leave.

But guilt wasn't a good reason to give up one's life, and Blair couldn't live with himself if he capitalized off Jim's guilt, no matter how much he wanted Jim with him. He didn't see any way around it, though. How could he convince Jim to leave him behind? And what if he and Jim did go back, and no one ever figured out a way to clear up the mess back in Cascade? Then what would happen to him? They wouldn't let him stay at the base forever, and even if they did, that wouldn't be much of better of a life than staying in prison.

No, it wouldn't be much of a life at all. Blair blinked quickly, and swallowed hard as guilt tore through his insides. How could he be worrying about himself when Sarah Warren didn't even have that luxury, anymore?

"Okay, fine." O'Neill's hard voice cut through Blair's mental voice. "We'll all finish the hike to the gate. Ellison, you and Sandburg will stay behind with Teal'c and Carter. You, too, Doc. Daniel, you'll be with me." He smiled a not-so-sweet smile and slapped a hand on Daniel's shoulder. "Since you're so gung-ho on this idea, you get to explain it to Hammond." He looked to Carter. "While Daniel and I are gone, you're to keep everyone near the gate at all times."

She nodded. "Yes, sir."

O'Neill gave a curt nod and turned to Jackson. "Daniel, dial us out."

~~~~~~~

As the rippling surface of the wormhole disintegrated, Jim shook his head. He'd seen a lot of weird things in his time, but he still couldn't wrap his mind around the fact that he could take one step and end up on an entirely different planet.

"Okay," Carter began, dropping her pack to the sandy ground, "I guess we'd better pick a spot and settle in for a wait."

Jim frowned as Blair practically dropped to the ground, raising a hand to wipe the sweat from his brow.

"Hey, Chief." Jim crouched next to his partner. "How you holding up?"

Fraiser appeared next to him. "How's your head? Any pain? Dizziness?"

"A bit of a headache," Blair admitted, waving a hand in the air, "but I'm okay. Just tired. How long do you think they'll be gone?"

Carter looked up from the stake she was busy driving into the ground. "It's hard to say. They'll first need to go through a standard medical examination. After that, I guess it'll depend on how much convincing General Hammond needs."

Blair nodded. He interpreted that answer to mean they'd either be waiting for an hour or many, many hours.

Jim patted Blair's knee as he tuned his ears to the young man's heartbeat. It was elevated, but that wasn't surprising considering the hike. "You stay here and rest. I'm gonna help Carter and Teal'c pitch the shelter."

Blair leaned forward as if to get to his feet. "Hey, I can help..."

"Oh, no." Fraiser put a restraining hand on his shoulder. "You stay put."

Jim left Blair in Fraiser's capable hands as he trotted over to Carter and Teal'c. Two of the stakes were already set up, so Jim grabbed the third one and drove it into the ground as best he could with just his hands. He'd leave the brute force to Teal'c. As the Jaffa began to tap the loose stakes into the ground and Carter readied the canopy, Jim grabbed the fourth stake laying on the soil nearby.

"Ellison!"

Jim's head snapped up at doctor's shout. His eyes went wide when he saw Blair laying flat on the ground, seizing. Dropping the stake, Jim rushed over to Blair and immediately held Blair's legs while the doctor tried to hold Blair's arms.

Carter and Teal'c appeared, and between the four of them, they restrained Blair while his body went through the seizure. Seconds passed, and the convulsions showed no signs of fading.

"What's happening?" Jim shouted, panic making his grip on Blair's leg tight.

Fraiser shook her head. "A seizure, obviously, but I have no idea beyond that."

"It's lasting too long," Carter announced.

Fraiser nodded, her forehead creased and her expression grim. "I know. I know." She eyed the Stargate.

Suddenly, Blair's body went still, and Jim held his breath as he extended his hearing. Sandburg's heartbeat was frantic, almost irregular. Not good at all.

Fraiser grabbed her stethoscope from her bag and listened to Blair's heart the traditional way. After only a second, she dropped the tool back in the bag and leaned back. "We've gotta get him back to the SGC now."

Her tone left no argument. Jim knew he could be condemning Blair to a life in prison by letting the team take him back to Earth, but if he didn't, he could very likely be condemning Blair to death.

Jim looked up when he heard a sharp whine. Carter was at the round pedestal, pressing symbols that glowed when touched. Then, suddenly, the gate flared to life and a water-like vortex shot out from the great circle's center, then collapsed to form a bright, glistening pool.

"Sending GDO code." Carter announced.

"Let's go." Fraiser moved to grab Blair's arms, but Teal'c intercepted her.

"Allow me, Doctor Fraiser."

She nodded and stepped away. Jim met Teal'c's eyes briefly and gave a small smile of thanks, then grabbed Blair's legs. Together, he and the jaffa lifted Blair and made a dash toward the wormhole.

~~~~~~

"Medical emergency!" were Fraiser's first words upon emerging from the wormhole, and Jim winced as they ripped into his eardrum.

He and Teal'c carefully lowered Blair to the ramp, and the doctor immediately descended on the young man as a voice over the PA system called for a medical team.

"His pulse is about 35," Jim told her, hoping she wouldn't waste time with a stethoscope.

Fraiser nodded an acknowledgment and pulled a penlight from her bag, quickly checking Blair's pupils. Both responded normally, and Jim found himself thankful for that small favor.

"What's wrong with him?" Jim leaned back, frustration making him rub a hand over his face.

"I don't know," she snapped just as the security doors opened and two medics hurried in, pushing a stretcher.

"What happened?" O'Neill's familiar voice intruded, and Jim looked up to see the colonel, Jackson, and General Hammond standing at the base of the ramp.

"We have no idea, sir," Carter supplied. "Mr. Sandburg just suddenly went into seizures. We had no choice but to bring him back."

"Okay, let's get him up," Fraiser ordered, and the two medics stooped to lift Blair onto the stretcher.

A distant sense of shock dampened Jim's senses, and he listened to Fraiser bark orders as she ran alongside the gurney until, finally, both she and it disappeared from view. He shook his head, realized the general was asking him something, and ignored the man as he stumbled after the departed stretcher.

He followed the medical team, but got stopped at the elevator when a hand clamped on his shoulders. He jerked away just as the lift doors closed, sealing the medical team from him, and spun to face the offender.

"There's nothing you can do for him, right now," Hammond said gently, the members of SG-1 hovering in the hall behind him. "We need you in the briefing room. There are some matters we have to discuss."

Jim took a slow, deep breath, willing his emotions under control. "I need to make a phone call."

To Jim's surprise, Hammond nodded. "What kind of a phone call?"

"To my captain. I've gotta check in with him or he might start to think we've disappeared for good. He might think we need rescuing, and you don't want that to happen. He's a very resourceful man. Also, since we left rather abruptly, I need to check in on a few cases I left hanging and, of course, find out the status of the murder investigation."

"All right. You can use the phone in my office. Then, we go to the briefing room."

"Thank you, General."

Hammond turned, and Jim followed the older man down the hall, oblivious to the path, his feet working on automatic as his mind drifted back to the lift doors as they closed, cutting him off from Blair.

God, please don't let that be the last time I see him alive.

"Detective?"

Jim jerked to awareness and realized he was standing in the general's office. Geez, what the hell was the matter with him? He straightened, forcing himself to focus on his present situation as Hammond sank into the seat behind the desk and grabbed the black phone's receiver. Jim eyed the bright red phone a short distance away, knowing what it signified. He suddenly had the urge to pick it up and give the man on the other end an earful. If it hadn't been for the government and its damn secrets, he and Blair would very likely still be in Cascade, fighting normal, human threats.

Hammond pressed a series of buttons and handed the receiver to Jim. "Just dial the number, a one before the area code, like normal."

With a nod, Jim took the receiver, turned the phone toward him, and dialed Simon's cell phone. The captain answered on the third ring.

"Banks here."

"It's Ellison."

"Thank God." Simon gave a harsh sigh. "Hold on." Jim heard a door closing, then the crinkle of leather. "Are you and Sandburg all right?"

Jim swallowed. He wished to hell he could answer that question with a simple 'yes.' "I'm okay. Sandburg... Well, we got that thing out of him."

"Is he okay?" Simon asked, his words tense.

Jim realized his tone must have betrayed his emotions. "He's not doing too well, but he's alive. The doctors are working on him now."

"How bad?"

"I don't know. What's the status of the homicide investigation?"

Another sigh. "Since you and I were the officers on the scene, I've managed to keep it in Major Crime. Officially, we've got no suspect, and no evidence."

"What?" Jim felt his knees go weak, and he dropped into one of the empty chairs facing Hammond's desk. "How is that possible?"

Simon's voice dropped to a near-whisper. "I lied through my teeth. The official report states that three men and a woman kidnapped you and Sandburg and killed Sarah Warren. Sandburg was injured during the struggle, which neatly explains why his blood was all over the crime scene."

"What about the witnesses